don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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