just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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