Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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