I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
