when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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