goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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