she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
