I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
