I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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