i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
