doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
