its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
