i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im six kinds of drunk right now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
