We won't sleep together?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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