Four minutes until I can fart!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
