i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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