Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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