a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
