so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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