just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
