oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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