Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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