Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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