is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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