Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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