Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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