lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
