somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
