Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
