i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
