you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
