so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
