omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
