i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
