just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
