I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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