can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
