just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
