We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
