I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
