Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
