I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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