he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
