i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
