I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Text me some of your sweat
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
