I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
