Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
