I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
