I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
