Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
